I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
