i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
