there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
