im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
