Your tits are I can't wait for
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
