Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
