I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
