I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
