So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
