Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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