good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
