I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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