Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
