Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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