Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize