Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Randomize