I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
