i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
