He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
