so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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