i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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