Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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