fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize