Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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