I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
