What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
