im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
