I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
