Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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