you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
