i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm going to jail i love you
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
