she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
