He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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