Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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