oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
