Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
