There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
