i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
