If i come over, it means nothing
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Randomize