Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
