Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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