i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
