You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
