How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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