Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
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