omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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