Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
