Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
