What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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