Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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