He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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