Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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