I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
