Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I cut my penus on the lid.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
