The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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