I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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