I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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