mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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