I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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