I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
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