she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
