he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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