remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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