i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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