If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
