On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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