when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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