Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
